The great job hunt of 2011

Well, I've finally finished with the woman who the job centre very kindly assigned me to.  What a fun three months its been.  She ran a course a few weeks back which I had to attend.  Not quite sure what the point of it was, I learned one thing in the whole three hours.  And I had to sit there and concentrate the whole time because it was in french and if I don't pay attention, I'm inclined to switch off and I thought I might miss something important.  Worse still, from where I was sitting I could see, directly opposite me, a table with a kettle and cups and coffee and various tea bags on it.  Did we get a coffee break?  Did we my arse.  Not even the offer of a drink of water.  But we did have to opportunity to go out for a ciggie if we smoked.   

Then she sent me on another course: 'interview techniques', which I thought might be a good idea, it's been a while since I've had any interview, let alone one in french.  On this occasion I did pick up a few tips, although most of the information given just freaked me out even more than I was already.  It was held in hut in the middle of a desolate place full of other huts disguised as 'training venues'.  All the blinds were down and it looked shut and empty.  I went in and was greeted by the trainer who was wearing combats and high heels.  She faffed about with the projector for half an hour whilst we waited for the other people on the course not to turn up.  So it was just me and one other.  The table for the trainees, which we were sat at, was at the back of the room.  The trainer sat at another large table about a mile away at the front of the room and talked to us from there, never thought to suggest that we could sit closer on account of their only being two of us.  She had the blind open on the window behind her, so we couldn't see her face properly and every time she asked us a question, we never knew who she was talking to.  I think she must have had English blood in her - only once did I not understand something, so I asked her to explain, but she just repeated herself.  I ended up asking her to explain three more times but all she ever did was repeat herself, and in the increasingly louder voice of The Brit Abroad.  I just made something up in the end and either it was right or she just gave up the will to live and let it pass.  I'll never know. 

Anyway, I was very nervous about the course.  I thought there might be the usual 'role-play', fortunately not, but I did have to give a 5 minute talk about myself and my work history as though I was at an interview (1988, who the hell can remember that far back?  Combined with all the red wine and 'Get 21' from that era, no chance).  She asked which one of us would like to go first, so I told the other woman that she would.  Well, what a relief, she was crap, and I mean really crap.  'Um, er, I don't really know what I've done, nothing much really' 'Well, what year did you start working?'  'Er, um, about 1965, I've worked in some factories and done some cleaning stuff a bit, not really sure'.  And so on.  Well, I couldn't do worse than that, so I lept in, wittering on about my qualifications, pretended they were equivalent to this that and the other French diploma, waffled on about working here and there, described what I'm doing now and ended up with a 'tres bien', 'that's just the kind of thing you need to say'!!!!  

Moving on to today then.  Had my last appointment with Ms Hitler.  First of all I get, 'have you completed your form?'  'What form?'  'The one I told you to complete' 'No you didn't' 'Yes I did' 'No' 'Yes. I've written it down here' 'No you didn't you crazy bitch, this is what I wrote when we fixed this appointment: 9am, maybe finish at 10am, maybe 11am, continue to update job centre website, bring copy of business paperwork'.  'Ah, um, ok, sorry. Can you do it now please?'  'Do I have a choice?'  'Of course you bloody don't, this is me you're talking to'.

So she gives me a piece of paper which I have to make into a form, including everything I've done to look for work in the past three months.  Not sure why, I have to go through everything with her everytime I see her, she types it into the computer, prints off two copies, we both have to sign them and then get one each.  I duly complete the 'form' and hand it over.  We then go over it all and she types it into the computer, prints of two copies, we both sign them etc etc.  Then she queries something (well, it's been 15 minutes since she's had something to moan about at me).  'Why have you been applying for jobs?' 'What?' 'Why have you been applying for jobs?  Last time we met, I said that I would not make you look for work anymore because you said that you are too occupied with your business, what's going on?  Why are you applying for jobs?'  The first thing I said was 'WHAT THE FUCK?!?!?!?'  The second thing was 'Oh, I see you understand some English, then' 'Yes, my sister taught me, she's a midwife at the hosital.  She says she learnt it off some mad red-headed English woman who popped in to give birth a few years back and refused an epidural'.  Well.  What a load of b*****ks, (not the blasphemous English woman, that's true), two and a half months of her being pissy because I wasn't applying for jobs, and now she's pissy because I have applied for jobs.

At the end of the session, she handed me another form.  Feedback on the general support provided and the courses I've been on.  With a box at the bottom of the page to rate her personally from 1 to 10.  I put on my best smiley face and jokey demeanour and ask her what would happen if I gave her a 5 (which is what I would like to do).  Well, I momentarily forgot that she's French and of course was born without a proper sense of humour.  'Have you ever seen Goldfinger? Reservoir Dogs? Casino Royale? Braveheart? Dances with Wolves? High Plains Drifter?'  'Errr, yees'.  'They all had certain scenes filmed at my place.  You'd never know it to look at me, but I have a little interest in 'that kind of thing'.  Nothing major, just a hobby really, but it gives me pleasure.'  '10 it is then, you've been very good, I'm so pleased to have met you, thank you very much for all of your help.'

New Glasses

Finally bought some new glasses for myself this week.  Can't afford them, but my old ones were very old - I think they were bought before my eldest was born, I would guess about 9 years ago, possibly more.  They are extremely scratched and I can't see out of them so well, even though my eyes haven't changed.
So on Monday, we went to the optition and chose some new glasses, hubby said at the time I looked very nice in them, and even I thought so too.  Went to pick them up today and as I was paying for them, I said to my dear hubby, 'So, do you still like them, then?'.  He replied: 'Well, they make you look a bit like one of those old ladies that do the knitting on the shreddies advert'.

Now, is that worse than the time, many years ago, when we were going out for the evening, I came downstairs after getting ready and he said to me 'Aren't you going to put any make-up on?' (Needless to say, I had some on).